Divorce and Remarriage

“For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence”, says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit that you do not deal treacherously.” – Malachi 2:16.

              

It’s been said that the divorce rate among evangelicals is as high as the secular world. According to recent studies, this statement is false. Married couples that attend church regularly and practice their faith seriously, divorce rate is at 38 percent. Those who are nominal in their faith, and do not attend a worship service regularly and/or do not spend time in personal prayer or with their spouse, read their bibles consistently divorce rate is at a whopping 60 percent!

Since it’s so easy to divorce and remarry in our country, even some so called Christians do it on a regular basis.

But what does the bible have to say about these matters?

In Matthew 5:31-32 Jesus said, “Furthermore it has been said whosoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce. But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except for sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery (Italics added).

This truth is ignored by all in secular society, and the writer of this article would daresay by most in the evangelical community. Often times we read what the word says, and if it doesn’t fit within our theological construct, we ignore, or better yet disobey that particular command. When one is seeking a divorce, they’ll for anything to be discontented with about their spouse so that they can use those situations to break their covenant of marriage. So we have plenty in the Church of the Lord Jesus Christ who are currently in adulterous, marital relationships.

Why is this the case?

Simply because if a man or woman divorces their spouse other than for fornication and marries another,  that person has committed adultery because your former spouse is still alive and you’re bound by that person in marriage as long as they live (Romans 7:2). In the eyes of the law your marriage is no longer legally binding, but in the eyes of the Lord it still is; So, what should one do?  Well obviously if the love between the two has grown cold, reconciliation is most likely impossible otherwise a divorce would not have occurred in the first place. The writer believes that for the sake of peace between two disgruntled people, divorce is a permitted, but not a God honoring choice since He hates divorce (I Corinthians 7:15).

It’s apparent that God meant for marriages to last unto death separated us. The two become one flesh (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5). He made that clear when he said in Matthew 19:6, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Italics added).

In the final analysis, God permits divorce in regards to infidelity; and even in that, divorce should be the last resort if all other options have been exhausted, and no reconciliation can be made. The writer realizes that that is not the route that most will take if they have been betrayed in their marriage. They’ll want a divorce and they have the biblical right to make that choice.

Those that fit this category who are Christians are allowed to remarry in the Lord; that is you MUST marry a believer (I Corinthians 7:39).

                                                A believing and non believing spouse

There are instances were you have people get married and they’re both unbelievers. However, over time one becomes born again after hearing the truth of the gospel and the other remains unsaved. What do we do in these instances? Fortunately, the bible provides the answers.

In I Corinthians 7:12-16 it reads, “If any brother has a wife who does not believe, if she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let them depart; brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?”

These are straight forward answers to these marriage dilemmas. I will try my best to provide sensible commentary on the aforementioned verses.

Summing up the matter, the onus is on the believing spouse to be a witness to their unsaved partner so that they may hopefully one day turn to the Lord in true repentance and faith and be saved as they are. There are of course no guarantees because the unbelieving spouse may refuse the invitations to repent and may become so exacerbated by their spouse’s radical transformation lifestyle, their love turns cold due to the darkness in them vs. the light in their spouse and decide they want to dissolve the union. You have what I call a spiritual indifference or you become unequally yoked by default. God grants the divorce in such cases for the sake of peace he’s called us to (vs. 15).

The unfortunate result for the unbelieving spouse is that the sanctification they unknowingly enjoyed because of the saving grace that rested on and in the believer has been removed, and now they are in complete and total spiritual darkness; whereas the scenario for the believer is much better, they’re no longer bound to the union. They’re free to marry again, but only in the Lord (vs. 39). You must not be unequally yoked (II Corinthians 6:14-17).

On the flip side, there are occasions where a non believer wishes to remain with their mate because they loved them before they believed, and may even love them more because they’re saved and are endeavoring to please God by pursuing holy living although they have no desire to pursue God themselves. The unbeliever realizes that they’re blessed because of their spouse who loves God and faithfully serves Him; the peace of God is resting on that house for the sake of the believing spouse. The word of God tells us to stay with your spouse. What greater evangelistic prospect can you have than your own spouse who loves you and is willing to listen to you? Your chances are greater to lead them to eternal life in Christ because of the saturation of the grace of God that’s resting on your life. Pray that God the Father will draw them to the Son (John 6:44).

Concluding, God only grants divorce in two cases, infidelity, and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. Notice God does not sanction the believer to abandon the unbelieving spouse. Their assignment is to pray, love, and evangelize their spouse so that they come out of darkness and be transformed into God’s marvelous light (II Peter 2:9).

Divorce for any other reason is not God honoring as hard as that may be to accept. However, I believe if someone (usually women) are in a physical abusive marital relationship, they need to separate from their husband for safety sake until he seeks professional help. The abused should also seek counseling to try to get to the root of the problem. Scripture tells us, “In a multitude of counselors there is safety and victory (Proverbs 11:14; 24:6). Once there is a consistent pattern of reformed behavior; he’s contrite for what he’s done, and he’s promised never to do it again, return to him. Seek biblical counsel together. The husband should remain in some sort of spiritual biblical counseling group where he’s held accountable to Godly men who can monitor his progress and spiritual growth, like Pastors or Elders in the Church. If he values his wife and family, he’ll be willing to get help. If he is unwilling to seek help and remains abusive in other ways, such as drinking, smoking, cursing, gambling, outbursts of anger, fighting, laziness, etc, do not return to him; that type of person is most unstable and unsafe to be around.

In cases like these, you need to pray and seek the Lord on how to proceed. If you divorce and marry again, you’ve caused your new spouse to commit adultery because your former spouse is still alive. You are now an adulteress in the eyes of the Lord. It let’s us know how strongly God despises divorce. Can/will God give grace to you in these instances? The writer believe He does if one truly repents and seeks forgiveness for violating the word of God. God knows the weakness of our flesh and it’s insatiable lust to gratify itself even at the expense of obeying His word. God also knows those who are seeking true love and happiness in a marital relationship and sometimes that doesn’t occur in an initial marriage due to ungodliness with both husband and wife, lack of patience or endurance, and immaturity. Definitely seek pre-marital counseling if you’re marrying for the first time. If you’re divorced, seek counseling also. Try to determine why the relationship failed. Do not be so quick get involved in another relationship, least of all marriage. Pray to the Lord on how you should proceed with your life. I believe it’s wise to have a cooling off period before engaging in another committed relationship. Commit your relationship to the Lord first; let Him become your first love above all else, and then you’ll be spiritually, and emotionally fortified to be involved in a romantic relationship with a believer so that your union will over time blossom into a life long love affair (Proverbs 3:5-6; Matthew 6:33).

Be truthful with yourself and the Lord. If you have truly repented of the sin of divorce and remarriage (exception clause-adultery), the writer believes you can have a fruitful second marriage even with the adultery stigma. The opposite of this is someone who’s callous regarding marriage and foolishly marries another because they’ve grown tired of their former spouse and divorces them for no legitimate reason at all (c.f. Matthew 19:3). That type of person is reckless and should be avoided until they get biblical counseling, changes their ways, and renews their mind (Romans 12:1-2). God knowing all things uses even sinful situations without condoning them to fulfill his divine plan in the lives of mankind in our relationships.