Husbands love your wives

Husband love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that He might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.

                                                                                                                                                                -Ephesians 5:25-29

 

This is a tall order for a man. This command is a huge responsibility for us as husbands. It requires obedience by both spouses. The husband has to be willing to lead his wife in this manner, and the wife must be willing to follow her husband as he endeavors to imitate Christ’s love for his church toward her.

 

                                                   What type of love did Christ express to His church?

Quite frankly, Jesus loved his church (his bride) to death. So we see that the love of Christ was pure, selfless, self sacrificing and powerful.

Jesus in John 15:13 says this, “No greater love has no one than this, that He gives His life for His friends.”

Jesus also declared In John 17:17 as he is praying to the Father regarding the disciples and future believers, “sanctify them (the church, bride, the elect) through your truth; your word Is truth.” That statement is the washing, cleansing, purifying work of the word of God mentioned in Ephesians 5:26.

Jesus loved his church from the inside out. What I mean is that He ministered to her spiritual needs first than her physical needs.  This began with his teaching in the synagogues in Galilee in Matthew chapter 4.

                             

                                 What is the husband’s responsibility toward his wife?

 

The first thing the husband has to do is be exposed to God’s word regarding the treatment of his wife. Secondly, he needs to understand what the Bible teaches regarding his responsibility toward his spouse. Let’s go over these commands in order.

First he is commanded to love his wife. This isn’t merely physical intimacy, but the love of Christ toward His church that He gave his very life for. The word love here is the Greek word agapao. General meaning being God’s aggressive intentional, purposeful benevolence toward man; it’s ultimate expression was in the giving of His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ to the world. This love held nothing good back toward those who it was for. This love is a delivering, sanctifying and eternal love. This type of love husbands should always express toward their wives. This love is to be exhibited not as a reaction to her submission, but a proactive love due to the example set forth by Christ when He proactively loved his church as condemned sinners (Romans 5:8). As a result of our selfless love toward our wives, the power of God will manifest, and wives will want to submit to the leading of her husband; realizing now her husband is leading with the love Christ exhibits toward His church. It’s a love that tenderly invokes reciprocation.

Secondly, it is the responsibility of the husband to assist in the ongoing sanctification of his wife. Remember, the husband is a type of Christ, and the wife is a type of the church here on earth. In keeping with that motif, it is the duty of the husband to present his wife as holy before the Lord. How are we to do that?

By teaching her the word of God.[i] Yes a woman is required to read and study God’s word on her own, but it is also the husband’s responsibility to be the leader in that effort. A woman that knows her husband is interested in her spiritual development shows  her that he loves her deeply and is watching over her soul, not just her body. Her salvation, and the assurance of it is just as important to him as it is to her. Assurance of her salvation can only be realized if the word of God dwells in her richly (Col 3:16). Husbands must help  their wives gain confidence in God’s word. Only then can a woman’s joy in salvation be realized. Husbands should be most grieved when their wives  fall into sin. Being that you are now one flesh, her moral failure becomes yours (Like Eve’s became Adam’s). Encourage your wife to hasten to the throne of grace to repent of her sin and restore her fellowship to her Father; for sin in our lives diminishes joy which causes anxiety in our relationship to God and our spouse. The Failure of a husband to do this will result in him most likely having a contentious, bitter and non submissive wife who will bring him shame and grief. These works of the flesh are inherent in our being due to the fall, and will be brought to the forefront if not mortified by the power of God’s word.

Third, we are to cherish and honor our wives as we honor ourselves; that would be body and soul. When we get married the scripture says the two become one flesh (Gen 2;24; Matt 19:5). Husbands are to be providers and protectors of their wives. We are to defend their honor, dwell with our wives according to knowledge (I Peter 3:7) realizing she is the weaker vessel which is by God’s design, not a result of the fall. It’s also important for husbands to heed the advice of their  wives . I believe the best counselor for a husband  is his wife; for she knows him better than anyone else.

Another very vital important element a husband must do in ministering to his wife is to pray for her daily.  Get in the habit of blessing your wife. What woman wouldn’t melt at the idea of her husband invoking God’s blessing on her life? The Bible tells us that Jesus ever lives to make intercession for us. This is Jesus in his role as our High Priest (Heb 7:25). Husband are  the  priest of their homes. We have to be the leaders of our wives and children when going to the throne of grace to find grace to help in a time of need (Heb 4:16).

A husband  must learn what his wife enjoys when it comes to physical intimacy. Find out what gives her pleasure in the bedroom. This involves the husband listening to make sure her needs are met sexually. Do not insist on just getting your needs met and hers are left unfulfilled. For some drawing a warm bath will get her in the mood, for others  flowers, poetry or a simple dinner date, cooking her favorite meal, cleaning the house, an unexpected getaway telling her you love her.  When a husband proves his love for his wife in the simple things, it will be a joy for her to meet his most personal needs; granted that she is a sensible woman.

Lastly, husbands must be faithful to their wives. A wife must be confident she can trust the man that  sleeps in her arms. The following text is from the wisest man who ever lived, King Solomon speaking to his son he says in Proverbs 5:1-23:

My son, pay attention to my wisdom,
    turn your ear to my words of insight,
² that you may maintain discretion
    and your lips may preserve knowledge.
³ For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey,
    and her speech is smoother than oil;
⁴ but in the end she is bitter as gall,
    sharp as a double-edged sword.
⁵ Her feet go down to death;
    her steps lead straight to the grave.
⁶ She gives no thought to the way of life;
    her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it.

⁷ Now then, my sons, listen to me;
    do not turn aside from what I say.
⁸ Keep to a path far from her,
    do not go near the door of her house,
⁹ lest you lose your honor to others
    and your dignity^[a] to one who is cruel,
¹⁰ lest strangers feast on your wealth
    and your toil enrich the house of another.
¹¹ At the end of your life you will groan,
    when your flesh and body are spent.
¹² You will say, “How I hated discipline!
    How my heart spurned correction!
¹³ I would not obey my teachers
    or turn my ear to my instructors.
¹⁴ And I was soon in serious trouble
    in the assembly of God’s people.”

¹⁵ Drink water from your own cistern,
    running water from your own well.
¹⁶ Should your springs overflow in the streets,
    your streams of water in the public squares?
¹⁷ Let them be yours alone,
    never to be shared with strangers.
¹⁸ May your fountain be blessed,
    and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
¹⁹ A loving doe, a graceful deer—
    may her breasts satisfy you always,
    may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
²⁰ Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife?
    Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?

²¹ For your ways are in full view of the Lord,
    and he examines all your paths.
²² The evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them;
    the cords of their sins hold them fast.
²³ For lack of discipline they will die,
    led astray by their own great folly (NIV)

                                                          Conclusion

Any husband who claims to be a man of God must commit himself to the word of God regarding his role. A man who practices these things is complete, lacking essentially nothing. Understand that we as husbands do not do this alone for we are actively imploring the Holy Spirit’s power to be successful. Many have said that marriage does not come with a instruction manual or how-to’s; that is untrue. God instituted marriage and his word is all the manual we need. Other books that can provide advice from a biblical perspective can be most helpful also, but let’s start doing things God’s ways husband and wives. It would definitely decrease the divorce rate in the church.

Any man that can manage his home well would most likely be a good manager in the church; that is become an Elder, Pastor-Teacher, Bishop. Any husband who does not have his family under control, should never lead in the church for the scripture says if a man can not rule in his own house, how can he take care of the church of God (I Tim 3:5)?

Wives submit to your husbands in everything just like the Church submits to Christ.  Just as Christ is the head of the Church, the husband is the head of the wife and must submit to his leadership. God’s word demands it (Eph 5:22-24; I Cor 11:3). Husbands love your wives as Christ loved his church and gave himself for her (Eph 5:25). Colossians 3:18-19 also commands for wives to submit to your husbands and for husbands to love your wives and do not treat them harshly.

 

NOTES

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[i] The implication the writer is presenting is the husband is a man of God. Obviously an unsaved man can not do this. Remember the book of Ephesians was written by Paul to believers. The believing  husband has been saved to render this responsibility. Failure to conform to this role is a disservice to himself his spouse and ultimately disobedience to God.

 

 

 

 So You Got What You Wanted Right?

Her beauty is what attracted you to leave behind your wife and children. Departed certain love to lie in the bosom of a stranger. Sum of your choice has depleted your body and soul many nights, but you got what you wanted right?

Halle Berry is what you saw outwardly, a mausoleum is what she is internally. She’s siphoned your youth, resources and vitality; refused sound counsel again your life is now vanity.

The Kim Kardashian of your life has cast her spell of “love” and “romance.” Your indiscretions have affirmed her hex. You’re under total control of her power and might. So again I ask you, you got what you wanted tonight right?

Your stupor has you turned you out. You’re turning tricks for a love that slays men. You’re in a haze of confusion, derided by peers. You’re an anomaly even to yourself.

So you got what you wanted right? You’ve forsaken the covenant of your God. You’re committing whoredoms, beholding vile images - Jaded by corruption and indecision as you tender your next fornication.

You’re middle aged and foolish. The player lifestyle has no benefits. You can’t afford the premiums it imposes or the co-pays she extracts. You’re pierced through with many sorrows.

You must recall where the breach happened in your matrimony to pull asunder this holy sacrament. Are you sure you got what you wanted sir? Reproach has you in the abyss of shame and you’ve scandalized your name.

Implore the forgiveness of the Lord and spouse. Fall on your face in contrition and humility. You’ve made yourself a stranger to her who loved you with all fidelity.

Just as you got what you wanted and missed on what you had, resurrect your visage in haste and turn to joy from sad.

Written March 27, 2011